rest in peace, carpio

1 month ago
me and my brother were in a furious race, a few laps more and he'd win for the second straight time. i noticed in the corner of my eye something black and gray come round the corner of the TV cabinet. i paused the game. "hey look, he caught another one." i said to my brother. a small, black mouse was dangling from Carpio's mouth, its feet squirming desperately in the air. we watched as he tossed the mouse across the floor for a while, snatched it up again in his jaws and went outside. "that'll be the fourth one he 's caught," i said. the next day, we found the mouse just outside the bathroom, decapitated.

3 weeks ago
i was still feeling sleepy when i sat down at the table, staring plainly at my breakfast, when a sudden brush of fur at my feet startled me. i looked up in time to see the tabby kitten jump on the table, and started to sniff at my sausages. "that's mine," i said, pulling the plate away from him and finishing my meal in the kitchen instead.

1 week ago
i was in front of the computer, waiting for the loading bar to finish on a video i was watching on YouTube. something with claws grabbed my foot and i let an expletive loose. i picked the culprit up and looked straight into those large, blue eyes. "what was that for!?" i wasn't really angry, just annoyed. in response, he grabbed my nose with his front paws.

2 days ago
my friend was telling me some funny story when i noticed Carpio lying on the couch, asleep. we pulled his feet, scratched his belly but he wouldn't wake up. probably tired from hunting all night, he snoozed on like he was on a hammock on the beach. i never, ever thought, even for a second, that it was the last time i'd see him like that.

later that evening, we were watching Apocalypto when my brother-in-law called me from downstairs. he asked me if i i saw Carpio anywhere. i told him i hadn't seen him since that afternoon. he said there was a small cat lying out on the street. i ran out of the house and saw it for myself. Carpio was sprawled on the street, dead. his guts and intestines were spilled on the asphalt. he was ran over by an elf truck. i couldn't look at him for more than five seconds. i went back into the house that seemed emptier than the street outside. he was buried the next day.

today
i'm typing away on the keyboard, and i keep expecting a familiar brush of fur on my leg, but there's nothing.

we've had Carpio with us for only four months, but it felt longer than that. i wished it would have been.

loaded...

i've got a lot of things to do. it's a pretty long list, so i wont bore you with it. lots of activities, commitments and i haven't started on anything yet. it keeps bothering me, like a fly buzzing above my head. when i look at the calendar, it's like ticking away closer to the deadlines. and it doesn't help that i'm a great procrastinator; doing things only until the last minute. i think i should have a microchip or something installed in my head. something that'd activate pain receptors whenever i go idle. that way, if i decide to dive to the couch for a nap, i'll yelp in pain and start writing scripts for our indie film assignment. or i could down an entire bottle of Cobra energy drink and be hyper the rest of the day like Daffy Duck on espresso. honestly, i don't like lazy people, cause laziness can be quite contagious. probably why i hate myself. no, i'm not being 'emo' (i hate that term, by the way. or rather, the overuse of it by a lot of people), there's just a lot of things i don't like about me, and things i hope i could change.

rambling on...

as usual, i'm surfing the net and posting in the middle of the night. i'm not used to sleeping like a normal person should anymore. don't get me wrong, i'm not an insomniac, it's just that my sleeping pattern's become totally messed up. i'm most likely to spend the day sleeping and the rest of the night awake watching TV (found out how great House and Chuck are), in front of the computer or reading a book. exams are coming up, though i'm not really worried about it. i'm more bugged by recurring feelings of... 'purposelessness', if there is such a word.

it's like, i'm always hitting a dead end, a blank page most of the time. i'm always thinking, after a long day of school or weekend, "what the heck am i supposed to do next?". it's pretty hard to explain, but i'll try anyway. i couldn't visualize a clear picture or a long-term goal. to graduate, sure, but then, what? i constantly sift through material, both tangible and intangible, in hopes of finding something that'll help me ease that bugging feeling. i keep immersing myself in all sorts of stuff, school clubs, writing, listening to music, anything. just to keep myself busy enough not to think about my 'dilemma'.

i'm not having an existential crisis, not yet. there, that's it, it just hit me; an empty feeling. some void inside me that's sometimes there, sometimes not. i dunno. i think there's something that's lacking in me as a person.

another beef of mine is my own temper. it's pretty short where i burst out snapping and shouting about something so petty as a missing sock. i've had this trait for a long time, as far as i can remember, and i'm not proud of it. i guess it's a way for me to vent my frustrations even i didn't know i had. it's just that after throwing a couple of things around, cursing loudly at inanimate objects as if they were ugly politicians, i feel totally foolish and idiotic. idiotic for realizing i was shouting at an electric fan. i don't find the real reason why i got mad in the first place. maybe i need a shrink?

oh, damn, i feel sleepy already. the next entry'll be in a couple of years or so, i guess.
ja, mata!

here we go...

ah, the thrill of my first post... feeling sleepy. i'm pretty tired from a whole day of talking and lugging a heavy cooler. i'd like to tell more about it but rest is something i haven't had much of since 4:00 am. maybe i'll write a proper post next time; just need to get a little shut-eye, got class tomorrow. look out for my succeding entries. or not.